In the master plan for our trip, we were using Milan for its location, much like one would use a bidet to wash away poop. We had no particular interest in what the city had to offer. While Steve is known for his sophisticated wardrobe, and would be well served by Milan’s high end shopping (what, no Burlington Coat Factory?), there would be no time for such extravagances.  Our goal was to take day trips from Milan, and return in the evening, when it was too dark to have to see anything.

Once again, Bill Bill had set his favorite middle son and favorite middle daughter-in-law up with a sweet pad at the Hilton, complete with access to the free-food-bearing Executive Club (mountains of bruschetta and Pellegrino as far as the eye could see). From Milan, we planned day trips to Venice and Lugano, but had the afternoon of the first day to spend wandering the fancy streets of Milan.

Other than the shopping that people in the know speak so highly of, there didn’t seem to be a whole lot to see. We did catch a glimpse of a guy peeing on a wall at the train station, as well as bought some very good hot chocolate at whatever the Italian equivalent of a hipster café is (we were into hot chocolate before it was cool). There was also a large, church-like structure that we suspected was a church, as well as a fancy tunnel-thing filled with stores and a McDonald’s (the jewel of Europe).

After spending a few hours struggling to understand the social norms of Italy, we retired to the hotel room to do some Internets research. Pro Tip: At Italian fruit markets, DO NOT TOUCH the fruit. Seriously. Jenny almost had her hand removed by a woman as she went to pickup one of her precious fruits.  Also, tipping is not necessary in Italy, but restaurants do often charge a service fee for bread and “service.”

In the end, Milan served its purpose well.  Not a particularly scenic city, but the hotel was great and the location made it easy to go other places.  And really, that’s about all we have to say about Milan.

Next up: Venice